


For You

by Fitzzzsimmons



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Episode: s02e09 ...Ye Who Enter Here, F/M, Fitzsimmons talking, Jemma actually gets to talk, Post-Episode: s02e10 What They Become, alternate conversation, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:21:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29830395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fitzzzsimmons/pseuds/Fitzzzsimmons
Summary: Jemma is determined to get Fitz to understand why she left for undercover work at Hydra. Just for once she wants to have a proper conversation with him and for him to listen to her. She cannot go another minute with him thinking she left because he was useless or broken.What could have happened if Jemma had been able to speak when she and Fitz talked in the Quinjet during 2x09.
Relationships: Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons
Kudos: 26





	1. I need you to understand

**Author's Note:**

> The idea hit me when rewatching season 2 that things could have gone very differently for Fitzsimmons if Fitz had let Jemma go first in their conversation on the quinjet, and the idea kept plaguing me until today when I wrote this down.  
> This starts off just as Mack is leaving them in the quinjet and the very beginning is mostly dialogue from the show, which I tell you was hard to transcribe due to all the overlapping sentences. You might want to rewatch the scene if you haven't seen it in a while but hopefully it makes sense without. But anyway, I hope you enjoy :)

“Because the awkward silence in here is killing me.” Mack said pointedly, before leaving the quinjet. If Mack voicing the awkwardness wasn’t hard enough to take, then Fitz’s distressed reaction was enough to send her over the edge. How on earth did they get to this point? Being unable to simply be in a confined space together. But that was where all their problems led back to, a confined space, 90 feet under the sea. Or maybe that just revealed the chasm that had always been between them, they had never been especially good at talking about feelings, talking science was just so much easier. And they had never really felt like they needed to, who needed words when you knew each other so well. They weren’t psychically linked, they were just two people who had spent almost every waking moment together since they were 16. Words hadn’t seemed necessary, until suddenly they were, and they had no idea how to do it. If she had just had a moment longer to process everything at the bottom of the ocean, or he had told her sooner or if he hadn’t been injured so badly, or–

Too many what ifs and they were of no use to her now. She needed to fight for Fitz, fight for their friendship. With a deep breath she fought through the pain and the overwhelming urge to run and hide and opened her mouth.

“I’d like to say something-”

“I’ve been thinking-”

Or perhaps they were slightly psychically linked…

“Please let me-”

“No, I know-”

“Go first. There’s something -”

“I know, but I’ve got-”

“I need to address-”

“A whole-”

“No! I-” She inhaled sharply now was her moment, she had to explain herself and correct his misunderstandings. Summoning all her strength she started. “I know things have been difficult between us since I got back from being undercover, but I need you to understand that I didn’t leave because of what happened to you-”

“No, no Jemma. Jemma please, because I’ve got a whole, umm, I- it’s just hard enough to get the words out.” Fitz started, walking passed her and facing the wall of the quinjet once more.

“No Fitz please let me talk, you haven’t got all the information. I need you to hear me, please.” She was begging him now, she knew it as the tears ran down her cheeks but she couldn’t let him go on a minute longer not understanding her decision. “You were better without me. I was making you worse.”

“What?” The look on Fitz’s face told her that he didn’t believe her.

“I was making you worse.” She repeated through sobs.

“Says who?”

“Your doctors, all of them could see it. I saw it too, when I saw you with the rest of the team you were better. Mack sees it too. Even now I’m still bad for you.” Jemma pushed her pain down, forcing herself to continue instead of dissolve into loud cries like her body wanted her to. “I didn’t want to leave, I would never… I… Fitz please understand, I left _for_ you and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

“It wasn’t because, because you thought I was useless?” Fitz asked after a moment of dumbstruck silence. His eyes were filled with tears and confusion, his whole belief system crumbling down in front of him.

Jemma’s throat constricted and she took in a sharp breath, she refused to let this moment of real communication be left unresolved because she couldn’t keep a lid on her emotions. “I have never thought you useless Fitz, please believe me. Everything I did was for you.” Fitz pushed his thumb into the palm of his bad hand, trying to stop the growing tremors. Even now, whilst trying to fix things, she was making him worse. “I didn’t leave because of your injury, I wanted to stay and help you recover, whatever that looked like, I wanted to fix it together like we always did, but I couldn’t, so I did the only thing I could do. I took myself out of the equation so that you could get better without me.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me, you didn’t need to l-l-lie to me? You could have j- you could have just told me.” Jemma didn’t speak straight away so Fitz barrelled forward. “What, you – you didn’t think I could handle it?”

“No.” Jemma said quietly, this conversation was supposed to mend his pain but it didn’t seem to be going the way she had intended.

“Then what?” Fitz cried out.

“Because I knew you would ask me to stay and then I wouldn’t have the strength to leave.”

“Oh.”

“Every day at Hydra I woke up thinking about you, wondering if I had done the right thing, missing you, wanting you there beside me. Just to hear your voice on the days when I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror because of the work they had me doing. I woke up thinking about you and I went to sleep thinking about you. So please, please Fitz, you have to know that I left because of how much you mean to me, not because I didn’t care or didn’t like how you’d changed, not because of-” Jemma swallowed hard. “Not because of what you said to me. What you said at the bottom of the ocean. None of that was why. I did the only thing I could do to help you. And I know you were hurt by it, and I know you resent me for it, maybe you even hate me now. But I did it to help you and I have never hurt as much as I did during those months away. Apart from – apart from the nine days you were in a coma.” She had spoken so fast she needed to catch her breath. Fitz just stood in front of her, silent and unmoving. “Fitz please say something?” Still nothing. “Fitz?”

“That’s the first time you’ve mentioned it.” He said slowly.

“Mentioned what?”

“What I said.” _Oh._

“I didn’t know what to say, it… you were so… you…”

“Jemma, it’s fine, you don’t have to say anything, you’ve – you’ve made yourself perf- perfectly clear, I don’t expect anything.”

“No Fitz, please listen.” She pleaded as she grabbed his wrist to stop him from leaving.

“Jemma, its fine. I get it. All this information is quite a lot to process so I think I’m just going to sit outside for a bit.” But her grip on his hand only tightened.

“Despite what everyone said, these past few months have made it abundantly clear that we cannot read each other’s minds, so if you wouldn’t mind, I’d greatly appreciate it if you stopped assuming what I am thinking and feeling.” She said firmly, getting slightly annoyed that he was still assuming things. “I haven’t said anything because I haven’t had the chance to. To even think about what you said let alone communicate that to you. There was no time under the sea, and then you were in a coma and the only thing I could think about was seeing you open your eyes again. And then you were so confused and your injury and… and the only thing I could think about was your recovery and then it became clear that I was an impediment to that, so I had to leave and then all I did was worry. And then I was back, and you hated me. So, forgive me for not thinking any of those times seemed appropriate for discussing it. You took me off guard at the bottom of the ocean, I won’t deny that, and I still haven’t really had the opportunity to process everything. All I’ve been able to think about is figuring out a way to get you to stop hating me.” It wasn’t that she hadn’t tried to think about what he had said to her before. It was just every time she did, she ended up in tears. Initially due to the coma, then due to his pain and frustration from his injury. Then it had been simply that she missed him so much her soul ached for him. Not that she believed in souls of course, but that’s what it felt like. And now it was because of how damaged their relationship was. How could she think about what ‘more than that’ might look like when she was fairly sure he hated her?

“I never hated you.” Fitz said quietly.

“Well sometimes it felt like you did.” Jemma said whilst sinking to the floor, her legs no longer cooperating with her. Finally, she let herself cry, really and truly cry, for everything that had happened since Hydra had come out of the shadows.

“Never.” Jemma heard his footsteps come closer and felt him as he slowly sank down next to her. “We’ve really done a – done a number on each other haven’t we?” He said wiping away his own tears.

“I’m sorry Fitz. I really was just trying to do what was best for you.” Jemma said once she felt she was in control of her emotions enough to speak again.

“I- I can see that, but maybe I should have been in-in-inclu… you should have allowed me to be a part of that conversation. I get a say in what’s best for me too.” Fitz said whilst fidgeting with his bad hand again.

“But you wouldn’t have let me go. And the last thing I ever wanted to be was bad for you.”

“Maybe not, probably not… But I wasn’t even aware of the problem, we could have found a compromise or something. Something that didn’t- that didn’t lead to my best friend dis-disap… leaving overnight.” This set Jemma off all over again, tears overflowing her eyes once again. Fitz shifted against her and suddenly his arm was wrapped around her, holding her close. She murmured sorry after sorry as she buried her head in his shoulder.

“I’m sorry too.”

When Mack came back in several minutes later, they were still buried in each other, tears slowly drying up.

“I see you guys had a chance to talk.” His deep voice cutting through their soft sniffles. “Coulson is ready for us.” He said before ducking out the jet again.

Jemma breathed in sharply through her nose and patted away her tears, desperately hoping her makeup was salvageable. Fitz still had his arm wrapped around her though and seemed to be making no attempt at moving.

“Jemma, I know I’m not the same anymore, I’ve come to terms with that. I need you to do so as well, before we can- before we can… start trying to mend this.” He said, motioning between the two of them with his free hand.

“I know that. I do. I just, I just need to relearn how to be us again.” And then we can try something more. She added silently in her head.


	2. Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is set immediately after the earthquake at the end of 2x10. I decided to skip the in between bits as I don’t think enough would change to make it worth writing. Just imagine it goes as it does in canon, but Fitzsimmons are in a better place after their conversation in the previous chapter.

They were covered in dust, surrounded by rubble, and clinging together like children, but at least the ground had stopped shaking beneath them, and given how close they were to a hundred-foot hole, they were immensely glad. Within moments of the earthquakes end May’s caller ID appeared on Jemma’s phone. She answered and put it on speaker.

“Fitzsimons?”

“Yes.” Jemma answered.

“We need to find Coulson and Skye. I’m going down with Bobbi and Hunter. We need you to be ready with medical supplies. Just in case.”

“There… There may still be af-aft-after -agh. Err. More.” Fitz struggled to get his words out. The stress of the situation was not helping his aphasia.

“Aftershocks present a real risk, although not as strong as the original earthquake, we have no way of knowing what damage has already been done and further shocks could make the existing structural damage worse.” Jemma supplemented, giving his hand a gentle squeeze where he rubbed his palm.

“I’m going down.” May told them.

“It’s not safe.” Jemma argued.

“Coulson and Skye are down there. We are going to find them.”

“And Trip.” Jemma said quietly.

“What was that?” May asked.

“Trip went down into the tunnels to get them.” Fitz answered.

“I’m getting our team out.”

“Then we’re going down too. We’ll be able to guide you though the tunnels, assess their s-str-structural in-int.” Fitz paused and rubbed his face in frustration.

“Their structural integrity.” Jemma offered.

There was a pause whilst May considered what they said. “Getting you here will take too long. We’ll meet you at the epicentre. Bobbi can be on medevac.” And with that she hung up.

Fitz and Jemma made their way to the epicentre, which also seemed to be the site of the temple, where they found Coulson and, miraculously, Mack. Both were desperately trying to dig their way through the rubble.

“Skye.” Coulson said to them as he continued to move rocks from in front of him. Fitz swallowed and his stomach twisted. This did not look good. He felt someone’s grip on his arm and saw Jemma clutching him with a look of complete horror and sorrow on her face. He gently rubbed her arm trying to provide her some comfort before getting to work on moving the rocks. Jemma quickly joined him. Followed by May and Hunter when they rounded the corner.

As the rocks thinned out, they could hear sobbing. “Skye!” Coulson called out. “Is that you? Are you ok?”

“Coulson.” Skye’s trembling voice called back. More sobs followed and the team redoubled their efforts to get to her.

Coulson pushed himself through the small hole they had managed to create whilst the rest of the team continued to move rocks to get better access.

Fitz redoubled his efforts to move the rocks so that they could all leave this cursed place as soon as possible. Next to him Jemma let out a shriek.

“Jemma?” She was trembling and looking at a piece of rock in her hands. “Jemma what is it?”

“It’s Trip.” Said Coulson’s hollow voice from the chamber. “He’s… He’s in pieces.”

Hunter was the one to bring the torch light down to the rock Jemma was holding, but he quickly recoiled after he illuminated Trips now stony face. Jemma continued to tremble as the tears filled her eyes. Fitz didn’t know what to do other than gently take the rock and place it a safe distance away from everyone before re-joining Jemma and holding her as she cried. There was a flurry of movement around them whilst Coulson got Skye to safety. Hunter and Mack moved about them, collecting the rocks, that used to be Trip, together. Raina was uncovered from a pile of rocks, but she managed to escape before anyone had time to realise what was happening. Fitz however was only peripherally aware of all this as he continued to work soothing circles into Jemma’s back. The last time he had seen her this shaken was just after Skye had been shot…

“Simmons, I want you to stay here and get the tunnel prepped for demolition, but not today. Go find a hotel or something and start tomorrow. I’ll send a team down to help you.” Coulson said, apparently having remerged from wherever he went with Skye.

“Ugh, sir, can I stay too?” Fitz asked quietly. He could tell that Jemma felt responsible for Trip, Coulson had said as much to her when Trip had first joined the team. Obviously, that was completely preposterous but Fitz knew that if Jemma was left alone, she would let her guilt consume her. Things between them weren’t completely fixed, knowing her reasons didn’t take away all the hurt from the last few months, but it was a start. And Jemma needed a friend tonight. And if he was completely honest, so did he.

Two hours later Fitz found himself in a twin room at a hotel a few miles away from the temple. Jemma hadn’t said a word the entire time. “Jemma?” Fitz asked tentatively as he placed their emergency overnight bags on the bed nearest the door.

“I’m going to shower.” She said grabbing her bag off the bed and locking herself in the bathroom. Fitz sighed and turned on the aircon, unsure what else to do.

Half an hour later she came out in a camisole and cotton shorts, with damp hair. She crawled onto the bed next to the window and buried herself under the covers. Fitz chewed the inside of his cheek before deciding to shower before further trying to help Jemma, he picked up his pyjamas and wash bag from his bag and went into the bathroom, desperately in need of washing not only the dust from the temple, but the day itself off of him. In the privacy of the shower, he allowed himself to cry, mourning for a friend who he had treated awfully at the start. And Trip in return had never been anything but wonderful to him. And now he was gone, and Fitz would never be able to apologise for his behaviour in those first few weeks. He hadn’t even had time to process the roller coaster of emotions he felt over Mack’s apparent death and resurrection before - well before whatever it was that had happened to Trip had happened. Some days at Shield really just sucked. And this day was bloody awful.

Upon his exit from the bathroom, he heard Jemma quietly sobbing under the sheets. “Jemma? What can I do?”

“It’s all my fault. I vouched for him, he joined the team because I said he should. He could have gone home, gone to be with his mum or gone to have a normal life if it wasn’t for me.” She wept. She was still facing away from him but at least she was talking. He suspected that had they not had their talk on the quinjet earlier, Jemma would not have been so open with him. Hesitantly Fitz moved over to sit on the edge of her bed and gingerly placed his hand on her arm over the covers, trying to offer her some comfort.

“This is not your fault. Trip wanted to be here, he loved being a Shield agent. If anyone is to blame, then its Hydra and Raina and Skye’s crazy dad. Not you. Trip-” Fitz took in a breath trying not to let his emotions break his voice. “Trip wouldn’t want you blaming yourself Jemma.” If the subject matter had been lighter he would have been impressed at his ability to get through multiple sentences without too much of an internal battle over his aphasia. 

“Fitz?”

“Yes?”

“Would you, could you… Hold me? Please?” Jemma said as another sob escaped her mouth. The way her voice trembled made him think she was expecting rejection. But he was fairly sure there was no universe where he was capable of depriving Jemma Simmons of comfort when she needed it. And right now, he needed that comfort as much as she did. Gently Fitz lifted up the covers and got in next to her, turning off the light as he did so. Carefully he wrapped his arms around her and held her. In his arms Jemma turned herself round and buried her head into his chest, her tears quickly wetting his shirt. Not that he minded.

Nothing was ok, Trip was dead, who knew what had happened with Skye and Raina or Mack for that matter, Hydra were still out there and tomorrow would likely bring the reality of the situation crashing down on them. But Jemma was in his arms. And that felt right.

“I’m not confused anymore.” Jemma whispered. “You’re more than that to me too.”

Fitz breathed in a shaky breath and planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

“Stay with me?” Jemma asked softly.

“Always.”


End file.
